Going Out With a Bangkok

I flew yesterday to Bangkok. For some reason it took six hours between leaving one hotel and arriving at a new one, despite the fact that it's only a one hour flight.

Bangkok is a rather large city. I shared a taxi with a French woman into the city centre and, when we got out, she said she thought the Khao San Road was nearby. I ambled for a while through a very busy food market, since it was right there and smelled good, but I had all my luggage with me so hailed a taxi after a short time. When I eventually arrived at the Khao San Road, we had driven 16km. Either the driver was taking me for a ride, both literally and figuratively, or the city is simply bigger than it looks on a map.

Not that I have a map. For the first time on this journey, I am without a Lonely Planet. God I miss that book.

Since it was late, there weren't that many places with room left, and certainly none at a price I wanted to pay. Then I decided that I was coming home under-budget, so I could treat myself for my last two nights. Then I found a really cheap room, so took that instead.

I'm staying on the Khao San Road. It's noisy, but I can sleep through anything and I'm only here for two nights, so wanted to be where the action is. And it is active. The picture below is a taster. There are loads of farang getting wasted and loads of tuk-tuk drivers offering to take them to various sordid establishments. I walked up and down a few times taking it all in but went to bed early.

This morning I hired a tuk-tuk to take me around the city's sights. I then went and got a massage. Now, when he offered to take me to a massage parlour, I mentioned that I didn't want any "boom-boom". This is an accepted international term for sexual dalliance. The Indians prefer to say "hank-panky", probably due to their colonial heritage, but "boom-boom" is universally understood.

So we ended up at a brothel. I had never been in a whore-house before, but this was unmistakable.

Toby: "I said no boom-boom."

Tuk-tuk driver: "You no wan' boom-boom?"

Toby: "No. No boom-boom."

Tuk-tuk driver: "I thought you like boom-boom."

Toby: "I do. I like boom-boom. Just not now."

Tuk-tuk driver: "Ah, because you have girlfren?"

Toby: "No, because they're prostitutes." [confused look from driver] "I just wanted a massage."

Proprietor: "Yes, you get massage, 2500 baht [about 50 euro]"

Toby: "Eh, yeah, OK, it's because I have a girlfriend, if that means we can leave."

Well, that was awkward. I got my massage eventually. 300 baht for one hour and it was provided by a fat middle-aged woman. Thank God.

I next went to the city palace, got a personal guided tour around there (since I have no guide book and am feeling flush, having acidentally taken out too much from the ATM, because I failed to work out beforehand how much Baht I needed) and then walked back to my hotel to hide from the rainclouds overhead.

The plan for tonight is probably to generate enough of a hangover for tomorrow that I'm still feeling lousy by the time I board my plane to Kuala Lumpur at 17.10. I like feeling crap on planes. It gives me something to do. And if that's not true, then why do I keep doing it?

This is looking across the Mekong in Vientiane. In the foreground is Laos. The other side of the river is Thailand. It's a bit like in New Ross, where one side of the River Barrow is in Wexford, where the other side is Waterford. Yes. Exactly like that.

The Khao San Road in Bangkok. It's busy...

The statue is of an ancient Thai Hippocrates character, whom they refer to as "The Doctor". The guy in the hat is a doctor also.

Mini Angkor Wat.

The Thai Royal Palace, built by a king in the 19th century upon his return from Europe. He wanted the whole thing to look Eurpean, but they wouldn't let him so he made the roof Oriental. The rest looks French.

Me under a Thai bonsai tree. They're bigger than Japanese ones, lest you think I've shrunk.